Blogger: 5 things my mom taught me about being a dad

By Doyin Richards, special to HLN
updated 4:02 PM EDT, Fri May 09, 2014
Article from http://www.hlntv.com/

Editor’s note: Doyin Richards is a father, husband and author dedicated to creating and celebrating a world of great fathers. He blogs at Daddy Doin' Work and is on Facebook and Twitter. 

You'll be hard-pressed to find a bigger mama's boy than yours truly. My identical twin brother and I terrorized the heck out of our stay-at-home mom while my dad worked long hours as a professor at a local university. Not a day would pass that didn't involve one of us attempting to break a piece of furniture, each other's bones or her spirit as a parent.

We never succeeded with that last item, and now that I'm a dad to two little girls (3 years old and 10 months old), I can look back at my upbringing to document five memorable lessons from my mom that have helped me be a better man and father.

1. Be authentically you

When I was younger, I wanted so badly to fit in with the "cool crowd," but I was skinny, not very good-looking and socially awkward, and I was bullied like crazy, so I figured if I changed to become someone I wasn't, people would automatically gravitate toward me.

They didn't.

Finally, my mom sat me down and said, "You are amazing in ways you don't even know about. Let's sit down and write a list." I thought she was crazy at the time, but when we were done, the list was a few pages long, and I'll never forget how great that made me feel.

"Now who in their right mind would not want to be friends with someone like you? Just be authentically you. Nobody in the history of the universe has a 100% approval rating. The right people will love you for being you," she told me.

As a dad, husband, author and blogger, I now understand that no matter what I do, some people just won't like me and will judge me. That's totally OK. But one thing I know for sure is that I'll always be authentically me, and I owe my mom big time for teaching me the extremely valuable lesson of keeping it real.

If you're a parent who believes in the power of having an Enya sound machine playing on loop in your kid's bedroom, then own it. If it works for you and your family, don't let anyone influence you otherwise.

2. Parenting can be the worst job without a sense of humor

Remember that time when you were out with your kids by yourself and they both crapped themselves at the same time? And then you realized that you didn't pack the wipes, and you chased an extremely fragrant toddler through a CVS, trying to buy poop-preparedness supplies before almost drifting into unconsciousness due to the equally fragrant infant strapped to your chest in a baby carrier?

Yeah, that happened to me. I received some nasty looks from other parents, but I laughed them off because the situation was too insane not to be funny.

I can remember my mom laughing when we tried to separate the sanity from her mind as rambunctious kids. It never worked, because she always found humor in the craziest moments. Now that I'm a dad, I'm the same way with my girls.

The undeniable truth of parenting she shared with me is that it can be the absolute worst gig of your life if you don't have a sense of humor. Besides, our kids will only be little for a limited period of time, and then they're heading off to college, getting jobs and starting families of their own -- so why take everything so seriously?

About a week ago, my mom told me how much she missed the chaos she endured when we were kids -- and I believe her.

3. If you don't have your word, you have nothing

Want to know the quickest way to tick off my mom? Tell her you're going to do something and don't follow through.

After being raised in her household, I'm now raising my kids to be accountable. Granted, they're too young to fully grasp this concept, but I keep every promise I make to them. If I tell my daughter that we'll watch “Frozen” together at 7 p.m. and the basketball game I was enjoying goes into overtime, I'll just have to "let it go" and watch Elsa freeze up her kingdom for the 13,035th time.

This stuff matters. Kids need to know that the adults in charge of raising them are trustworthy and accountable. If we aren't, how can we expect them to be?

4. You're going to mess up a lot, and that's OK

Have you ever shared a parenting mishap with other parents only to hear them laugh, "That would never happen to me!"? Just know that that's a steaming pile of hot garbage. If that didn't happen to them, rest assured they probably did something even dumber.

My mom told me to embrace my failures and mistakes because they'll help me to become a better man, which helped me become a better dad. Every moment above ground is a moment to learn and improve. Anyone hoping to become a perfect parent raising perfect kids will be humbled very quickly.

5. Everyone deserves your love

This lesson always sticks with me. My mom doesn't care if you are white or black, gay or straight, Republican or Democrat, thin or chubby, rich or poor, etc. She only cares about what's in your heart. If your heart is pure and kind, she'll be loud about it and let you know. However, when we encountered racists or other ignorant people growing up, she would silently love them and walk away. Granted, I haven't quite mastered that part yet, but I'm much better than before I became a father.

One thing I know for sure is hate will slowly snack on your soul until you're left with nothing but emptiness and bitterness. Nobody can live a happy life that way. No parent can be a good parent that way.

Tolerance and forgiveness are two words synonymous with my mom and me, and I plan to pass these two gifts down to my kids.

So I want to thank you, mom. You're my hero, my homie and my mentor, all rolled up into one extremely amazing lady. If I can be a fraction of the parent to my kids that you were are to me, then I will have won this daddyhood game. Happy Mother's Day. I love you.

Doyin Richards, special to HLN
updated 4:02 PM EDT, Fri May 09, 2014
Article from http://www.hlntv.com/